Suffering the Questionitis Syndrome

Do you get questioned often? I am bombarded by them everyday and most of my days, start and end with a question. Mostly asked to make me go crazy, but there are some real smart ones too I have to confess. There are some that put me in a tough spot, if I should answer the truth or cook up a story to support. Nonetheless I know it is good to encourage Smera and her is curiosity.

A few years back I read somewhere that it is scientifically proven that children who are naturally curious fare better at school, in relationships, at work, and end up being intelligent, creative and satisfied people. Right so this means no matter how tough it is going to find answers for her questions, I must persuade her to be a flexible thinker! However this responsive style of parenting, where we help the child to cultivate the habit of questioning has its own flip sides too.

And today I plan to write about the question that has been disturbing my little munchkin a lot, she has tried different ways find the truth but answer is still evading her.  The question was –“Why was I not there at you wedding?”. “Didn't you love me then?” she asked me once and I always tell her that she was with god watching the ceremony happen from the heavens above. Then the next question she would come up with is, “Really how come I don’t remember and why am I not there in the picture?”

Over a period of time, she has come to terms that she was not invited to the actual party and that she omnipresent from the heavens above. But the matter does not end there for me, just when I was thinking that the problems have solved, the little child asked me another bouncer of question. “Can you get married again? This time you can invite me too!”

Source: corbis.com

So as I am writing this post the little one is busy checking her wardrobe for a white dress that she plans to wear and along with her princess wings and tiara. Looking at her enthusiasm over getting us married again, I am wondering maybe it isn't really a bad idea and probably this time I could get married in jeans and t-shirt. 

Fit in or Stand out?

We all live in comfort zones and find it really difficult to part away with it. But such is life, it will bring challenges and will expect you to raise yourself above the petty things and aim at the goal that is set higher. If you are a regular at the blog, then you would know that I love looking for inspiration from people in my life, everyday people like you and me! And so today it’s going to be my eldest niece, Mariah but I love calling her Ammu.

Ammu until this June was studying at the Indian School grade 5, one of the most prestigious CBSE schools in the Oman and was in the CBSE (I) curriculum, which is far more relaxed and than the regular CBSE. However when we decided upon putting Smera into an international school known for strong academics and extra-curricular activities, Ammu seemed excited about this new school for her.

It wasn't going to be a task as she just managed to clear her entrance test in Math and the second challenge set for her was French as opposed to Hindi was going to be the second language and she would have to catch up on her French. The third challenge for Ammu was to make new friends and so far it was easy for her as she joined and grew up from a toddler into a confident and popular 10 year old girl. Now it was going to all back to square one and at 10 it’s a bit more difficult to fit in.

But in all of this she had an advantage as she had an extra month of vacation which she utilised very wisely and got herself enrolled for Math and French coaching. As a result of the challenge that was set in front her, she pushed herself to the limits and in the very first test in French she scored a 100/100 and in Math she scored an 87/100. Since the first week her academic scores have been getting better the ever.

Simultaneously she has been making friends too in her peers and superiors but it is a bit longer process than she had expected. She is trying to make friends without changing the person she is and believe me it’s a tough ask for a 10 yr old. I keep reminding her of all the good parts of her character, while some days are tough but some days are super cool. The problem with the kids at her age is they without realising end up hurting, or bullying their peers. But what is important is not to lose your identity to become one of them.

In life I've learnt that trials are a great way to progress ahead in our lives. Sometimes they may make us feel excited and enthusiastic, while others simply are meant to overwhelm us.  The key is to never to lose your confidence, you may lose everything and get it back with firm belief in yourself. My advice for you and every child would be not to hesitate in taking chances and appreciate whatever you've have learned from a tough situation and you must also understand that every step is necessary in this journey called Life!

I know you've always enjoyed Dr. Seuss, he once said "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”.  Taking a cue from Dr. Seuss, there is wonderful song that I am leaving for you and I feel best describes your situation. I Love You and you make me very proud girl!! 

Sweet November !!

I love this month! Got god’s best blessing – my Ma, met my hubby for the very first time 11 years ago and also got the most precious gift of my life – my daughter Smera! They all celebrate their birthdays in November. All the scorpions in my life have been the best bunch of crazy rock-stars that make my life electrifying!  

Little Smera celebrates her birthday today as she turned all of 4 years! This year had been tough for her especially with us shifting countries, making new friends, to new schools, but she managed all of it with her charming smile and few tears too alongside. With each passing year, she is becoming crazier like me. I never thought I would say it this early but, “Smera your questions are way too smart for mamma to give you all the answers”.

You are my best friend and my partner in crime. We laugh n cry n tickle n dance sometimes all in the same hour! With you I am getting to re-live me childhood and that is surely the best part of having you! I love it when you give me your lap to sleep and scold your daddy when he troubles me. God bless you girl and here is just as I promised the Princess Elsa cake for your birthday.

You are also becoming naughtier by the day, however I will confess, I love it when you giggle after you have done something mischievous. While I have to confess I am not a perfect mum by any means but you have always made feel proud by just being yourself. However I am little worried about your future plans of wanting to become a fashion show girl, super-heroine girl and Barbie, I hope this year you would find something reasonable real soon. 

Here’s a little piece of advice for this year – be tough, don’t shy but never let anyone make you cry, spread smiles and always remember Mamma and Daddy will always stand by your side!

Silly Saturdays: Fellow asking me to be Mellow

Been a while since I took a dig at myself and that made me wonder why? Answer is quite simple it’s just that the hubby has been quite busy these days and he is one who usually brings the best or the worst out of me. As a consequence of spending sometime with him, this is what happens.

On very silent Thursday morning, while I was gently urging little Smera to drink her milk and get on with getting ready to school. The half awake hubby walks in with his PBJ sandwich and sat down beside us. Munching on his sandwich he heard me yet again to Very Gently Urging her to finish her milk and just then he comments:

Hubby: “Are you not well?”

Me: “No, I am perfectly alright and why do you ask?”

Hubby: “I asked as I’ve never heard you ask Smera to do something so softly.”

Me: “What do you mean that I am always yelling at her?”

Hubby: “Err!! That’s not what I meant. I mean either you are too aggressive or as today extremely mellow.”

Me: “Extremely mellow?”

Hubby: “I mean you need to find the right spot in your voice! Ah I realise my sandwich is finished let me get ready quickly”, and he quickly vanished off from the scene, leaving me fuming.

Meanwhile while we were discussing the pitch of my tone little Smera was giggling and slurping up her chocolate milk and that meant it time to get her into her uniform.

This made me wonder when the better half will really understand to use better choice of words to explain his thoughts! 

A week that went by !!

Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom or SAHM as the new lingo is, is one the most difficult part of job that any mother has do. Now don’t get me wrong, with all due respect it’s a very important job and somebody’s got to do it but the problem is at the end of the it’s a thankless job. I wonder how mums all the over world and over hundreds of years have managed to stay at home all the time and have been happy about it. I have never met a SAHM who has ever complained!

I was brought by an extremely hard working mum, who would be away almost 5 days a week but she made up for that I missed in just two days. Yes of course she missed my report card days (that was mostly on purpose), or school functions etc. But she was always around still and the one thing that I really learnt from her is to be independent! Be it monetarily or emotionally, every woman needs to be self sufficient!

I am currently at a situation where I am absolutely frustrated as I do a little bit of work from home, content writing, blogging etc. but it is just not satisfying my soul. I want to get back to the corporate routine and which is quite impossible right now with no one to look after my little Smera. It feels like living in a jail especially on school days as I have to be on mercy for the hubby to come in early and answer some of the her questions. Since we moved to Muscat we don’t have a baby-sitter so far and the question of having some Me-time is zero.

To help myself feel a little liberated I have started going to my hubby’s office, working on the website content. So my usual routine starts at 4:30 am, and that’s all thanks to my body clock and if knew where it was located I would have long thrown it out of body. Going after sending Smera away to school I get ready and rush to work, work on the content bit till 12:30 come back for houseboy to clean, cook lunch and pick up Smera.

Once Smera is back I am already feeling sleepyishly liberated and that’s when I take her down to play for an hour that is roughly around 5-6 pm. This is the time when I am really doing a security guard’s duty keeping both my eye on her, while she plays. In between other kids from the compound ask the lovely lady aka me the time, to make sure they don’t get in trouble with their mums. Once back from the play I give her a bath followed by then dinner and then I tuck her away by 7 pm.

Image courtesy: Corbis.com

Sigh!! I am feeling almost exhausted writing about it, imagine me dragging my self with that idiotic body clock. Then the laundry, tweeting, whatsapping, facebooking and thinking of the next blog post, while preparing for next day. Sounds extremely chaotic but I am loving it. I just wish if I could find a full-time help at home, which would make it more interesting then I guess.

For now I am happy, for having started working from office instead of my couch! 

Say a little prayer

Every night as I put my little Smera to sleep, I say a prayer thanking god for the things he has blessed us with. Now that she has become big she has started saying her prayers herself. It goes something like this. “Thank you God for the food we eat, thank you god the playground we have, for cheese and chocolate milk Mamma gives and for the Lego that daddy will get me on my birthday. Could you also give me Queen Elsa dress and a big cake? Thank you for everything!!”

Much as it sounds funny, but she is god’s blessed child to have a good childhood for she has good health, good school, healthy food and a home to live in. There are so many who are struggling for their sustenance of the very basic called – Life!

Image: corbis.com

What angers me the most is that we humans are ready to kill each in the name of our religion. And I don’t believe in religions, I only believe in the existence of God and humanity for all. All these religious upheaval happening across the world makes me wonder what are becoming into. I am a Hindu by birth, married to a Christian, lives in an Islamic country but in all of this religion has no importance in my life. I do go to the temple, church, mosque or gurdwara only for one reason they give me peace.

The Quran says, ‘There shall be no compulsion in the matter of faith. Distinct is the way of guidance now from error.’ There is great wisdom hidden in this line, our actions defines our intention and we people will receive only what we intended. Then why not wish for good things for everyone, peace and happiness, wouldn’t the world become a better place then?

We humans fight in the name of Allah, Jesus, Ram, Krishna but have we ever thought what the god wants from us. Whether one believes in a religion or not, but we all appreciate true act of kindness and compassion. To truly understand the God we people should stop debating about scriptures and religious texts; this only lets down our faith in the almighty!

Dalai Lama once said, “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

If we have lost our feeling of peace and harmony, it is because that we have put out of our minds that we all are a part of the very same god. I was reading something Bulleh Shah, the great Sufi philosopher once said,

“Break down the mosque, break down the temple

Break down whatever there is besides;

But never break a human heart

That is where God himself resides.”

Let's keep our eyes and ears open, help those who need us. Stand for what is Right and I am sure our good intentions will somehow find the right path! But if this to happen it has to start with me and my family! 

School is Cool!!

I love to see the little children smile as they go off to school. My daughter started her big school this September. Going to school has always been an enjoyable experience for her. Be it back in Dubai at Blossoms or at Kids World here! Just as I expected her initial first week was great, I would take her to her class leave her in with a big hug and she would happily proceed . By second week we started sending her with cousin sister and our driver aka Salim Uncle. 

This transition wasn't so smooth, Smera was not quite happy about going with Salim. She being mamma’s girl found it difficult to let go, by the end of the 2^nd week slowly as she started getting used to it, the poor child fell sick with terrible viral and bout of wheezing. While it’s common for kids to fall sick when they initially start school, but in Smera’s case falling sick was not a big hitch, re-starting the routine was most complicated part.

As a mother it was really tough for me to send teary little one away, to school. I would spend my day restlessly waiting for her to come back and see smile on her face. This is one of the challenges I wanted her to overcome. Smera loves listening to stories and I would tell her about kids who are less fortunate, who want to go school but can’t make it as they don’t have the means to go to school. I would tell how I didn't realise as a child how important school was. As each day passed her anxiety was reducing but the tears still didn't go away!

Just then 17 year old Malala Yousafzai won Noble Peace prize, and this gave me a perfect story to tell Smera. I pulled “I am Malala” book and read the excerpts to little one, where she was shot on her way back from school. This story really moved little Smera, she asked me a lot of questions, “why did the bad men shot her?”. She had a lot of questions in her head, why girls can’t study? Why the bad men killed children who wanted to go to school. After satisfying her curiosity, I explained to Smera education helps us understand between right or wrong. Those bad men didn't want kids to understand that difference. I explained to her, how Malala’s parents stood as strength for her and encouraged her to study and live the life she wanted to.

Image courtesy:  www.malalafund.org

I am not sure how much of the story she understood, but there were two things that she took away from it, firstly education is a greatest gift that god has given her. Secondly, good education will help her become a good ballerina and super heroine girl! My child had such an impact that the next school, she was all smiles and it made extremely proud! 

Thank you Malala you have in many ways have inspired our lives and may god bless you girl! I wish more power to you girl and let there more girls who show the same courage and the determination as you to study. The great part of girls getting educated is that they would ensure the next generation of children would also study.

A frozen quagmire !!

Our lives have been changed completely ever since the day Disney released its movie Frozen. This has been by far her most favourite movie after Cinderalla and Mary Poppins. The love for the movie has turned into a craze and little girl has been heavily negotiating for a Frozen dress, shoes, doll and anything and everything related to it. Phew!! Now we managed to postpone all this for almost 11 months saying “we’ll get it for your birthday” and now the birthday is round the corner and I have a feeling we’re going to be in a soup!

She loves anything and everything related Queen Else and Princess Anna. Infact it is also her current ambition to become the Queen of Arendelle and make a snow man with her magical powers. What has been adding up to my problems is the fact, that she watches all the toy reviews too on the Ipad and has been keeping herself updated to all the new things that are available in the toy market.

Now birthday just 2 weeks away, our child has not forgotten our promises, that we had been making to her and I have a feeling that if didn’t do something about it we are going to have a mammoth confrontation. To save ourselves from a prospective ugly situation, I started scouting all shops in the city that could possibly have the Blue Queen Elsa dress, but soon I realised that I had bitten off more than I could chew. Now that not it, at this instant my task is to how convince the little child to change her mind on the dress. Being her father’s daughter that she, this too is no small challenge as she’s – a tough negotiator!

So lovely Friday evening, I summoned the little child and on sanguine note, I started the conversation talking about ballerinas and how wonderful they look, their costume is so pretty. Slowly Smera started looking a bit interested in the conversation entire conversation. Then I also confessed to in my most apologetic voice saying, “Darling, I have not been able to find the Blue Elsa Dress you have been wanting for your birthday. I am sorry can we please change your party theme to ballerina theme?” Smera was most understanding and said, “don’t worry Mamma, I know you can get it from Walmart, I am sure you will get it there, they say it on the Ipad!

Right to make sure she has her desired birthday dress, I will have a take trip to the US and visit the Walmart store! Thank you Walmart for giving me a new headache!

Alarming insight

Yet another weekend is here and I felt like putting up my feet and watching a nice movie. I switch on the TV, I put on a romcom and start writing this post while watching a movie and I am thinking - What kind of man do you like? Is it the intellectual types or the guy who loves music or a man who loves to click pictures or someone who just smells enchanting! Well, my man is the kinds who is the intellectual types and also loves indulging in exquisite perfumes.

But hey I am not planning to write on how to find the right guy for yourself! Instead it’s going to be all about, how the right guy can get you into trouble with the building maintenance guys! My hubby loves his perfumes, he stashes them everywhere, in the car, in his laptop bag, the bathroom, doesn’t even spare the shoe-rack, name a place you can spot it there!

However I have taught myself to live his obsession, but of late it has been getting giving me a headache. Not because of the fragrance but because of the fire alarm ringing in my ears. The building maintenance guys have upgraded my flats alarm system just last month. Ever since the fire alarm has become ultra-sensitive to the slightest whiff of anything.

It mostly goes off just as the hubby as about step outside, the house, and the reason – before getting out of the house hubby like to douse himself in the Perfume! Now no matter where the location is of this act is the hypersensitive alarm sniffs it and shouts out loud. For the first few days I used to call the building maintenance guys to bail me out of the situation, but then even they got fed up! So with no choice I had to learn on how to disable the fire alarm and reset the gas connection which is all inter-linked in this building.

And just as I got one more thing to tease my hubby and feeling smug about my recently acquired DIY skills the alarm went off, again. But I figured that the usual suspect is not around. Quickly through the process of elimination I found the villain – the boiling sambar this time! 

Something Fishy !!

We Indians love to eat! Sweet, sour, savoury, spicy name we love it. To top it up we Malayalees along with our fellow Bengalis and Goans most certainly love our fish and rice. However I grew up in Delhi so my palate is a bit different, more towards the northern side of India. Rajma Chawal, parathe, dal-subzi-roti kind of palate, while I do like an occasional fish curry or grilled fish.

Hubby and me have very different likings when it comes too food, I love Rajma which he hates and he loves Unakka chemeen (dry prawns) which I just can’t stand. But we have a lot in common too. As a true Delhite I love chats and samosas and so does the hubby and we both hate tuna and salmons. But what really got me to right about this fishy post today is a humble paratha.

I decided to make parathas for the hubby, aloo gobhi parathas and just as I stepped into the kitchen, he followed me to set up his plate with obligatory accompaniments curd and pickle. Just as I was about to take off the first paratha, I asked him:

Me: You will have two na?

Hubby: Suddenly feeling all nervous, he asks “Tuna”?

Me: Yeah? And then suddenly realising, “Not Tuna, I meant two parathas”

Hubby: Feeling relieved said, “yes of course”. For a moment he had his heart in mouth thinking the wifey is going to serve Tuna parathas for dinner.

He was grateful that good sense prevailed and that I didn’t made him eat something exotic even for a fish lover. Now I know what to give him, in case I am feeling vindictive, ha ha !! 

Perks of Parenting: Awesomeness decoded!

The past week has been extremely thrilling as my daughter started her trial classes at the big school. And as I would go back to pick her up after an hour of the trial run, I am flooded with compliments on how wonderful Smera is at practice sessions.

Motherhood is not at all an easy project, as it usually doesn't come with an end date or instruction manual and I have a lot of reasons to tell you why you should not have a child. But not today! Today I am going to blabber all about why you should have kids and not miss out on a prospective source of exuberance in your lives.

1. It’s amazing when someone says “OMG is that your daughter/son?” It some how suddenly makes you feel light years younger. Forget the age defying face creams, the hair colors and other expensive spa treatments. This one line works better than all of those.

2. You can get away with the long queues at the doctors, immigration, passport office, you name it and voila it’s done. I recently skipped a line of 50 odd people at the immigration counter, all thanks to my little munchkin.  

3. For once you can be colour coordinated and not look silly.

4. You don’t need a travel buddy anymore, your child automatically upgrades to the best travel mate ever and the spouses can go for a hike! I mean not literally, then that would more fun!

5. Chances are as your child grows they might look an updated version of you! If they take on the spouse’s looks then you can take all the credit for the good parts of their character. 

6. Personal achievements mean nothing in front of your off-springs success. A parent really experiences their hearts being pumped in with pride into every chamber and ventricle of the heart.

7. Moreover your parents suddenly love you more, as you give them the best gift of their lives – the joy of being grandparents. Guess that is what showers of blessings are.

8. You are up to date with the latest on games, movies, music and the works. Definitely helps boost a parent’s confidence immensely when you can understand what the younger generation is talking about! Makes you feel in vogue.

9.  You get to make more friends and most importantly we somehow end up finding useful/VIP contacts, thanks to their friends list.

10. You get to re-learn about life in general – finding happiness in small things, thinking out of the box and the joy of giggling for no reason.

Silly Saturday: A hearty mistake

For a change little Smera is not my inspiration for this Silly Saturday feature, however it’s all about her Grandparents and my Dad and Mum. My dad is a really chilled out person. He is one of those guys who are always around to help, very easy-going, dad and I are similar in many ways – when it comes to getting angry or having fun.   

I called them this morning to check on how they were and just as we started speaking to mum happened to mention how a couple of days back she received dad’s message explaining why was running late. Here’s how it goes ..

Dad’s message: “Now I am at Metro Heart Institute hospital, Noida. In ICU, heart complaint. I will be late. Take care.”

Reading this sms my mum almost skipped a heart-beat. She desperately tried calling him back and mysteriously that very moment network started acting funny and declared him out of network. You could imagine my mother’s plight. Mum couldn't help wonder his thoughtful words of asking her to take care. Suddenly seconds felt like years with the phone out of network!

Thankfully a few minutes later he called her back on seeing her missed calls. Furious with the number of missed calls messages he asked her what was so important.

Mum: Are you ok? What happened? 

Dad: I am ok but what’s wrong with you? I just sent you a message, Saji is not well and I am at the hospital. He is in the ICU, with a heart complaint and that I would be late.

Mum: You should check you sms, it read that you are in hospital with heart complaint. You forgot to mention Saji’s name in it.

But as she mentioned this to us, we burst out laughing wondering how my melodramatic mum would almost experienced a heart attack herself too. And now I get it, it my dad’s genes that I have inherited too, even I end up eating up my words. Guess we both should work on our proof-reading skills.

With jokes apart I sincerely do hope Uncle Saji is feeling better! 

Echoes of my Grandma

Long back I lost my grandparents and there is nothing in this world that could replace that special bond. I have missed them for years but of late I feel can feel their presence around me. This is post is not about a mind, body and spirit connection, it is just that Smera sometimes reminds me of my grandmothers in her daily discourse.

Problem is that we both are currently at the receiving end of our very own Smera the granny. Our problem probably stems from the daily dose of lecture that she gets from me.  Whatever sermon she receives particularly from me has been coming back to us in some form of the other. The simple explanation to all this is the fact that she is only child at home. Her thought is process is more or less like ours I guess!

I am sure the grandparents in the heavens above might having a ball of a time seeing me getting tortured with the miniature sized dictator at home.

Just recently I was combing her and she was complaining about the knots in her hair to which I responded saying, “Don’t worry mamma is working on it!”. To this she adds, “you know there is something else you should be working on your yelling and shouting!” I was a little taken aback by her ability to blabber and just as I was going to scold her, the father walks and adds fuel to fire, “very well said angel, you got it spot on!”

What the very supportive father does not know is that the he will not be served dinner till he makes up for the not so necessary comment.

This was just a starter! She uses a variety of tools to achieve her objectives - threatening, sweet-talk, emotional blackmailing and if nothing works, the she resorts to crying and get her things done. She can negotiate just like a full-grown adult would. Every now and then when I scold her, I get chided for being rude!

If the above weren't enough, I've got more for you. But before that it’s important to mention that Smera is not a fan aerated drink as we don’t encourage it. Even we don’t drink, barring very rare occasions like pizza nights. Smera has been made to understand the bad aspects of drinking aerated drinks, as they are high on sugar and not good for health in the long run.

Getting back to the story, a few days back we were having a pizza party and of course along with the pizzas there were some aerated drink to go with. Little Smera sees her parents, uncle, aunt and her cousin sisters sipping on the drink. She gives us a big nasty look and says “You all are going to die!”.  For a moment I really felt like as my granny back from the heavens above to stop me from committing a heinous crime!

Right or wrong, she has an opinion, which in a way makes me a proud. She isn't afraid to stand up to what is right. One can occasionally hear her Smera in either mine or hubby’s defense, “Now that’s not nice of you!” or “I think you should be saying sorry now”. Sigh!

Times like these, I wonder if I should stop her to talk like an adult. But then I am left to wonder what’s wrong if she can systematically channelise her thoughts and create an opinion about different situations? Right or wrong is far away from the debate but at least she is not following the herd and has a mind of her own.

So with a little pinch of salt, I have decided to let her be for now and get entertained for the time being, until it starts bordering on getting-on-my-nerves mode.

Silly Saturdays: The penalty

For the last few days hubby has been working extremely hard and has been coming in quite late. Little Smera aka daddy’s girl has been missing her father and keeps asking for him all the time. So yesterday I decided to call the busy man and ask him to explain the little child what was holding him so long at work. And here’s what happened:

Smera: Daddy when are you coming?

Daddy: I’ll come in one hour Smera

Smera: But mamma and I are getting bored.  

Me: Alright daddy, we read some book but you must pay Penalty (i.e. get us some dessert)

Smera: No don’t bring Tea, I don’t drink tea, can you please get me a cake!

Phew !!! The little child had a little scare thinking Mamma was asking for tea, while her priorities were very clear, her Daddy must bring a cake to make up for the lost time! 

Thumbs-up to thumb-sucking? Now no more !!

About a year and half ago I wrote a post on how I was worried about Smera’s thumb-sucking habit. Well, now I am not! It’s been over 6 months that she kicked this habit, even more appreciative is the fact that she did it herself.  It’s true no medicine, no threatening, no time-outs, all it needed was some pep talk. Now one may wonder does pep talk with 3 something year old work? Without blinking an eyelid I would say yes and Smera is my proof! We all know, that kids these days are very intelligent and as parents it is upto us to use this intelligence wisely.

Ever since my last post on her thumb-sucking habit, I decided that I would not try anything drastic to get rid of the habit. I didn’t want to leave the little child with a scar for the rest of her life.  Instead what I did was, I kept telling her that sucking thumb is not nice thing to do. I kept on feeding this information whenever she would be at it or was thinking of doing it. Slowly I would start asking her to take it out. And each time she did, she was rewarded with words like “Good Girl!” or “Bravo”! She would smile and get back to playing.

She gradually reduced her habit during the day thanks to my constant pep-talk. But she still needed her comforting thumb to sleep at night. So one night I asked her if she was ready to sleep without her thumb. She agreed but it was not quite easy for her, the poor child tossed and turned the whole night, however with great effort managed to sleep at night.

The next morning as she got up we celebrated her big victory, got her a little cake, called up her grandparents back to make her feel great about her achievement. From that day on Smera has not gone to back sucking thumb at all. All said and done, thumb sucking is muscle memory for little Smera and at times at night she unknowingly puts it her mouth but once asked to remove even in deep sleep, she would pull it off.

In all of this I was reminded, what might seem like a small issues for us might be real big deal for a toddler and if we just try to put ourselves in their shoes, we might be able to understand them a bit.  What’s more important is the fact, if an approach has worked like miracles for most people, it would do the same for you too!

In my journey of motherhood I learnt that, a lot of our parenting challenges can be solved with just a smile and it works even better with a hug. 

Feels like living underwater

I feel like closing my eyes and ears to the world, to be able to live in utopia for a while.  To survive in today’s time I must become numb to everything that is going around me. These are dangerous times war, rapes, murders, planes crashes and lords knows what else. Just when I was watching another shocking piece of news on the television, I stumbled upon a quote from Albert Camus “In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”

But I guess even if I were to turn away for a bit, I don’t think things are going to change.  I sometimes wonder what kind of world is my little one growing up in. Of course my blood boiled even then when I was not a mother, call it being selfish but I want a better world for my daughter.

My perspective has changed the way I think ever since Smera came into our lives. So when I hear a 6 year old raped in school and just yesterday an 8 year old raped by a relative and hung on a tree, it gives me a shiver down the spine. Where are kids safe then if not at school or at home? My daughter is almost turning 4 and this is a really scary reality.

I can understand a bit how painful it must be for parents whose children fall victims to such perverts! A mother’s heart breaks into thousand pieces when a child gets hurt forget even being able to understand how it must feel to see your child being threatened or abused. My heart goes out to all those mothers who are going through this pain and have lived the day and survived it.

To be honest I think we are talking more about it than ever, but that’s not enough! Is that enough?  We must change ourselves, to expect wonders to happen overnight would be foolish and the first step has to be ours.

I am going to teach and help Smera understand what’s a good touch and bad touch. It’s good to respect others but she will start with herself. She must learn to respect for herself and only then others would follow suit.  We should not let our children underestimate their inner strength, find that strength and learn to say to NO to what is wrong! For starters I’ll start with this video from Childline India and Body Shop Malaysia that has come up with a great to reach out to children like mine. 

Please do view and share these videos if you really care about our children!  

Changing a habit a bit !!

It’s very difficult to change a habit overnight, especially when a habit makes you the person you are. For the past 2 weeks I have been on the line of fire with my family and when I start to reason it out with them, I end up sounding silly!

I haven’t been keeping well for the past few months and even after good 5 doses of antibiotics the problem would refuse to go away! I could have long come back home to either Delhi or Kochi for a second opinion instead of suffering for so long. However being the self-reliant person I am I didn’t want to bother anyone else. Now I know just as I wrote that line it sounded really Foolish!

Nonetheless there are blocks that we tend build these in our heads. We shouldn’t trouble anyone, try to manage everything ourselves as we stay so far away from family. I have always preferred to do things on my own particularly with an extremely busy husband who has just jumped into a new line of work. Who wouldn’t like an self-reliant wifey and daughter? Right!

Wrong! I over did it! This self-sufficiency habit has landed me into trouble when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was given a choice to decide over my preferred home. So Delhi it was, I decided came down to my parents place. After a little procedure and day at the hospital, I am finally feeling better and have finally got a fit certificate too. Yay!

My habit made my mother and husband most angry. This thought process of not troubling anyone, solving my own problems is somewhere is influenced by them over the years. These two people never stop! Especially my mum she can be unwell but not a soul would know in the house. Somewhere secretly I imbibed that from my mum. My husband has always lived out of home and is the most independent person and so even somewhere even I become just like them.

Corbis.com

But what I tend to forgot is, we need to shout out for help when in need. It is only in times like these that you can fall back on your family and friends for help. I love to be there for everyone, but I must ask them for help too. That’s why it’s called a support system.

I have understood that, while I must also admit it is not easy for me to change. I am still struggling to get over the guilt of troubling others. I will try my best to speak to mind more often, stop feeling guilty about opening up to them.

Corbis.com

In all of mind over matter conflict I got to celebrate at home after 8 years, didn’t get to meet any of my besties but I tried to calling most of them, pouring out my woes whilst taking a dig at myself. I am feeling loved thanks to my support system and I promise to work on overcoming my weakness. 

Italian Summer or Idly Sambar

Peppa Pig is a wonderful series of cartoon that my daughter loves. Secretly even I love watching it. But in the last few weeks it has inflicted upon us a serious headache. Before I start explaining about the quandary in our household, have a look at this 5 minute video.  

Okay if you can’t spare 5 minutes, then I would highly recommend you to watch the first 28 seconds of the video.

So if you have watched the obligatory 28 seconds you would have realised that Peppa Pig is on a holiday in Italy. And of course she eats pizza and pasta and now that Smera’s vacation is about to start, she has made it very clear her choice of holiday destination. While we were happier with a stayaction as we have just settled down in a new country and life’s getting back into track.

Every day the little child would convince us on how much fun it would be to go Italy.

Then on last Thursday we suddenly decided to travel to Delhi and the very excited Smera couldn’t contain her curiosity and wanted to know more about the trip.

Smera: Are we going holidays?

Me: Yes darling! We are going to Delhi to meet you grandparents!

Smera: Oh but I thought we were going to Italy.

Me: Darling we’ll go to Italy but for now let’s go to Delhi, your granny is waiting to see you!

Smera: But we can go to Italy and eat pizza and pasta just like Peppa!

Me: Or how about we go to Delhi and eat Idly!         

Smera was instant sold by the idea, as Idly with sambar happens to be her favourite food! Thankfully for now we are got away with a supremely inexpensive deal but going to Muscat I am sure her Italian raga would restart!!


Video: Youtube.com

Sometimes even love hurts

Motherhood has it’s own ups and downs. Mostly will be ups, when you see your little one smiles in the morning. God blessed us with a little chatter-box, and I am sure she can give any President a run for their money.  We are best of friends, when daddy works long hours, we joke, play and fight also.

Yesterday we had a little fight, we went out for dinner, an excited Smera was a little too loud. So I kept telling her “be quite”, as I didn’t want her to disturb others enjoying their food, hearing a yelling child.  Just as soon as we reached home, I wanted to wash her legs, hands, face before going off to sleep. But the sleepy Smera was in no mood to wash up.

“I Hate you” came out of her innocent mouth. Even though I know she did not mean it, but the words really did hurt me. So after all the rituals were done, that she really didn’t want to do, I took her to bed. And I softly asked her, “don’t you love mamma?” and she said “No, because you kept telling to be quite, when we went out for dinner”. After that she added “I love daddy” turned to the other side to sleep.

I know none of this was said from her heart but she must felt insulted as I scolded her in front of everyone. That must have pricked the little one’s heart. So to hurt me she must have said “I hate you”. But I couldn't sleep at night, my heart felt so heavy.

However this morning there was a U-turn in the situation, she hugged me and I said sorry too and told her how I felt. After a hearty conversation with the three and half year old over breakfast all our problems were solved.

There will be more days likes these to come but I hope my Smera knows that her mamma LOVES her the most in life.  If ever mamma says something that hurts you, in advance I am saying SORRY! Nonetheless you will be duly compensated too.

When you become big you too shall understand our parenting style is just a hit and trial method. Sometimes even Google helps but not that too is not always right! Sometimes it works and sometimes errors happen, however thou too shall pass! 

Excuse my excuses!

Thanks to all the love that my virtual friends have been sending me. I am feeling much better, however as I promised, I am here to present all suggestions and recommendations received from all corners. Now let’s go over them one by one while I have fun taking a dig at some in the meanwhile.

1. Drink water: Of course, I didn't know of this one, drinking water way is best flush out any antioxidants. When it comes to UTI, one must drink more 4-8 liters of water.  Then eventually you would find me at the following place.

2. Considering that I am on high medicinal dosage the BP is quite low and I get to hear that, you must take more salt, it isn't like eating sugar. You can’t eat a spoonful of salt. I know you would you say ORS, but the question how much ???

3. Then it’s said to drink more water (refer1).  Avoid alcohol – I don’t drink unless I am with only certain reliable drunkards. Drink caffeinated drinks, like coffee so that I keep awake like an owl the entire and the BP dips again, thanks to lack of sleep.

4. Then Barley water is highly recommended in for UTI patients. The perfect solutions to that is Beer! Yes you heard me right, beer is made of barley, water and among other things. But then refer no. 3!

5. Drink orange and cranberry juice. I drink 2 glasses of fresh orange juice thank to my hubby’s exorbitant citrus press. But cranberry juice in excess gives severe acidic problem. While I am good girl, in taking cranberry tablets :D 

6. Eat healthy and balanced food! Of course I will if someone can come to cook up for me. Taking heavy doses of antibiotics leaves no taste in mouth and no energy either, and at this stage my cooking certainly is not helping my situation.

7. Try ayurveda medicines – If I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol for the reason it being slightly bitter, then how does yucky tasting kashayam go down my throat? 

Having said all that I know it’s out of love and affection everyone recommends different remedies. But sometimes saying nothing and just a cuddle helps a long way.