Changing a habit a bit !!

It’s very difficult to change a habit overnight, especially when a habit makes you the person you are. For the past 2 weeks I have been on the line of fire with my family and when I start to reason it out with them, I end up sounding silly!

I haven’t been keeping well for the past few months and even after good 5 doses of antibiotics the problem would refuse to go away! I could have long come back home to either Delhi or Kochi for a second opinion instead of suffering for so long. However being the self-reliant person I am I didn’t want to bother anyone else. Now I know just as I wrote that line it sounded really Foolish!

Nonetheless there are blocks that we tend build these in our heads. We shouldn’t trouble anyone, try to manage everything ourselves as we stay so far away from family. I have always preferred to do things on my own particularly with an extremely busy husband who has just jumped into a new line of work. Who wouldn’t like an self-reliant wifey and daughter? Right!

Wrong! I over did it! This self-sufficiency habit has landed me into trouble when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was given a choice to decide over my preferred home. So Delhi it was, I decided came down to my parents place. After a little procedure and day at the hospital, I am finally feeling better and have finally got a fit certificate too. Yay!

My habit made my mother and husband most angry. This thought process of not troubling anyone, solving my own problems is somewhere is influenced by them over the years. These two people never stop! Especially my mum she can be unwell but not a soul would know in the house. Somewhere secretly I imbibed that from my mum. My husband has always lived out of home and is the most independent person and so even somewhere even I become just like them.

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But what I tend to forgot is, we need to shout out for help when in need. It is only in times like these that you can fall back on your family and friends for help. I love to be there for everyone, but I must ask them for help too. That’s why it’s called a support system.

I have understood that, while I must also admit it is not easy for me to change. I am still struggling to get over the guilt of troubling others. I will try my best to speak to mind more often, stop feeling guilty about opening up to them.

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In all of mind over matter conflict I got to celebrate at home after 8 years, didn’t get to meet any of my besties but I tried to calling most of them, pouring out my woes whilst taking a dig at myself. I am feeling loved thanks to my support system and I promise to work on overcoming my weakness.