Friday, January 30, 2015

Tough luck

A 4 year old boy was recently expelled from my daughter’s class in KG -1. The school was forced to take this drastic step against the child as he was continually disrupting the class. But what was more defeating in all of this is the fact the parents were in denial that their child could such a thing.

The problem started right from the very beginning of the class in September. The boy would bite his fellow classmates and occasionally push or kick them too. Smera too was bitten and we asked her to complain to the class teacher instantly. A month into the class this continued, so I spoke to the academic supervisor regarding the matter was asked to send a written complaint. The supervisor was asked to prove that the child really was biting by his parents. Forced to provide proof to the parents, she decided to urge parents to send in written complaints.

At first I refused to give in a written complaint. I wanted to give the boy a fair chance as I was not sure if Smera was exaggerating. As a mother I could understand another mother’s situation too. It is difficult to hear when our child does something wrong and I am really no one to judge about the little boy’s character. So as days passed on, Smera continued to grumble until one day when she came back home with a bite mark on her wrist.  And that was it, I didn't want Smera to think that it is okay to bite. So I finally sent an email to the supervisor, explaining the incident and hoping that this time the parents would not ignore the incident.



After the email, I very rarely heard Smera complaining about her friend. Though she would tell me of how her other classmates were bitten by the same boy. And then just this week I was informed by the supervisor that the boy has been expelled from school. The reason cited was that the boy was given plenty of chances to improve and the school no longer wanted to be held responsible for anything untoward happening to other students.

We were not the only parents who had complained. But did the school do right by putting the child out of the school? In my opinion, maybe not! The child of course every child needs to know the difference between good and bad, right and wrong but not all children are the same. I think it was a very harsh decision on a 4 year old. Maybe they could have waited for few months for the year to get over, this way the child would have saved an academic year. I am sure the parents could have helped a bit more to help their child deal with his aggressive behaviour.


Discipline cannot be taught overnight and definitely not by punishing the child. What we must remember is that every child is different and a child needs our love the most particularly when he is not worthy of it!  

20 comments:

  1. I completely understand. I was in a similar situation when my son's classmate who was a bully was asked to leave the school. Though I did heave a sigh of relief for my son's sake, I felt very bad for the boy. I did wonder at that time, whether removing a child from a school isn't the easy way out.

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    1. So true .. you just echoed my feeling .. I did feel relieved for Smera's sake but felt that boy was given too a harsh punishment.

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  2. What is the role of a school? What is the definition of education? We needs to examine the issue from that perspective.

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    1. Absolutely .. education is much more than text book learning ..

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  3. What is the role of a school? What is the definition of education? We needs to examine the issue from that perspective.

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  4. I understand this as a mother. But I also wonder about the role of parents who are always in a mode of denial whenever such things happen. It's up to the teachers and the parents...and I think those problem children need counselling. Expelling them from the school is not a solution.

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    1. I am not sure if they sort the help of the school counselor, but that would have been good direction to getting a solution rather than turning away from the situation ..

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  5. Sorry to learn of the incident and about the pain Smera and other kids had to face by being bitten... Such incidents can affect one psychologically.
    I agree with your reasoning, especially the last sentence.
    Disciplining is not just the school's/parent's responsibility. I feel it's a collective responsibility. Society has to pay a high price for indiscipline...

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    1. Anita that is my biggest fear too, that the boy might be scarred for the rest of his life with such a harsh punishment.

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  6. This is a tough situation indeed. I second your thought that the school's move was probably not right. I personally feel that punishments may not improve a child, harsh ones like this may have a negative effect on the child. Agree cent percent with Anita, it is a collective responsibility and parents and school has the most.
    Check out our latest post here

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    1. So true ... if they had thought on a larger perspective I am sure today everyone of us would have been happy

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  7. Since I am a teacher there's a chance of my opinion being seen as biased. The foundation of character is laid at home. By parents. Teachers can only work on that foundation. Even if teachers wish to modify the foundation, it is a Herculean task and most will run out of patience.

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    1. Absolutely correct, the foundation of character really starts at home and in a scenario like this is immediate responsibility would also belong to the parents and I am not denying that. What really baffles me is instead of trying alternatives, the school chose to expel the child who is just 4 years old. At 4 there is still a chance to help rather than at 14 isn't it ?

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  8. Right I dont want to sound horrible.. BUT I think it was the right decision by the school, it is a risk to other students..
    Parents needed to be more better I would say thinking their kid was not doing anything.. Moreover such action can be to do with something else mentally or physically with the little kid , he needs to be medically examined .. I know this sound horrible but that is possible ..

    Bikram's

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    1. Bikram .. no you are not being horrible and even if his aggressive behavior is related to an underlying mental condition, then he needs medical intervention not expulsion. Isn't it ??

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  9. Kids are sent to school in order to get and learn about discipline and understand the difference between what is right and what is wrong. But expelling a 4 years kid will never make him/her understand the reason behind the cause. I am not at all in favor of this. Though I understand that it has been done for the benefits of the other children still the way used in wrong.

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    1. Sherya - true safety of other children is of prime importance but along with other children even his welfare should have been given equal importance.

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  10. Parenting and schooling are now a days very sensitive matter for more than one reason. It needs a birds eyes view to respond to any situation.

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  11. schools and parents, a decade ago (even before) faced the same problems but seems to be not a big issue as they concentrated on the solution rather on the problems and punishment. probably what this gen schools and parents missing is concentration on solution which could make parenting easier alike earlier.

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  12. I am totally with you on this. Expelling a 4yr old kid is surely not the right solution. The school needs to sit with the parents and have an open conversation on what can be done.

    But maybe they did talk to the parents and things weren't getting better? Would blame the parents here as well.

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