Have you ever lost someone really close? I lost my younger sister Anu exactly 10 years ago. But what I lost is much more than just a sister. I lost a friend, a partner in crime and companion and a confidant. She was joyous, bubbly and there was nothing that could have stopped her from having fun. My life came to standstill after that night.
I remember spending hours crying alone in my room or in front of friends, and then eventually even they got fed up seeing me like that. I took me a long time to get myself to stop crying for my loss. But I what I also realised in all of this is true friends stood by me, when I really needed them. While some of my dearest friends distanced themselves saying they couldn't bear seeing me cry.
Then suddenly one day it dawned up that if she is somewhere looking down upon me and seeing me crying she would be pain. I thought to myself in 16 years of her life, she gave me numerous reasons to smile. Even on that last day, we laughed and smiled so much, somehow it still feels just like yesterday that we sat at the balcony and gossiped.
I miss her the most when the chips are down and I really need someone to perk me up or just when I wish to indulge in some harmless bitching. I missed her most on the day I got married and the day had my little one.
It takes a lot of effort to stop grieving and trying to live-up life long after your loved one is gone. Sometimes I feel guilty of not remembering her enough and then she would come in my dreams telling me that she is looking after me. Even though she was younger to me, but she was always there to lend me her shoulder to cry upon.
On tough days when you just need a friend to talk your heart out I do miss her the most. During the last 10 years, I have come in terms with the realisation that she must be in a better place. And some days when I wake up from my dream, feeling like I had a good hearty talk with her, it just puts a big smile on face.
It took me a lot of time to reach the space where I can smile and remember her, because I am sure she is looking down upon me and our family she would want us to be happy for her.
Then there came a song from the movie Agnipath song – abhi mujh main kahin and I have to confess the selfish sister in me, wanted just one more day to spend with Anu. I know it’s not possible but the song still somehow gives me hope that one when I met her at the almighty’s place, we will have all the fun, laugh and cry and catch up on the years we have missed being with each other.
P.S. – If you do wish to leave a comment, I will request you to leave blessing for her soul to be in peace and be happy wherever she is.
A void difficult to fill! The wounds heal with time but leave the marks behind. May her soul RIP!ReplyDelete
Very touching post. I can understand the void in ur life as I too lost my mom 2 yes ago...my best friend and confidante. I remember her almost every moment but don't show it as people around us don't understand how we can miss someone so much.many of my blog posts are dedicated to her. I pray for ur sis that may she be happy wherever she is and may her soul rest in peace!ReplyDelete
Sangy hugs to you....I am so sure Anu is constantly watching you...may her soul rest in peace.ReplyDelete
I can understand you and I can very much relate to your post.. I lost my dad 4 years back.. I know how it feels when you loose someone special.. There has been not one single day I did not ever remember him.. Somehow I just feel that wherever he is he will be sad to see us cry.. So we should be happy.. Doing something worthwhile for him so that he is happy gives me hope in my life.. Cheer up.. I am sure she is in a much better place.. Also I realised who my true friends are while I was going through this ordeal.somehow I have learnt to forgive them and move on.. Life teaches you in many ways.. Especially this loss is irreplaceable but we can only wish for their happiness.. I am sure she must be happy wherever she is right now..! Take care..ReplyDelete
A real heart rending post! RIP!ReplyDelete
Take care and time is probably the biggest healer.ReplyDelete
Very emotional and moving post..ReplyDelete
I can understand your pain Sangy.... When my father passed away a few years back , I was completely broken ...it was then that one of my friends told me by crying and feeling depressed I was not releasing him , not letting him go . May Anu's soul rest in peace ...ReplyDelete
I have lost my father suddenly...and i can only say that sometimes Time Never Heals!!ReplyDelete
Losing anyone suddenly is not easy especially if it's your parent !! I read somewhere- Once the sun has set, no candle can replace it!Delete
But I am speaking this after a gap of 10 long years ... And think of it if your father sees you cry will he be happy looking at you from the heaven above .. Smile for him ..
I can understand what you are going through for I have experienced the same though at a much younger age. She was my younger sister, my play mate who I carried on my back. One day she was gone and I never understood hoping that she has lost her way home and is looking for me. I have spent days waiting at the gate. 25+ years later I celebrate her birthday in March, her anniversary in July with the stars in the sky wishing to meet her someday up there for that last hug, that last time to carry her on my back to the park. Take Care, I sincerely hope Anu's soul rests in peace.
Love Sangeeta (http://www.lifeisavacation.wordpress.com)
Sangietaa - Oh I know the feeling of waiting by the gate ... God bless your sister too !! You too take care of yourself !! God bless !!Delete
This is really sad...recently my friend lost her 16 year old son ...I have experienced this grief...how hard it is...your sister will be always with you...ReplyDelete
U really made me cry by reading this ..i can understand how hardly u miss her, RIPReplyDelete
Thank you so much everyone for your prayers and wishes for my little sister ...ReplyDelete
I am crying right now Sangeeta. Not only because of your beautiful post but also because I know that each and every word you wrote is true and from the heart. I know what a vivacious girl Anu was and how much joy she brought to everyone she knew. That night can never be erased from my memory when we lost her and how you collapsed in front of me. But you are right that she would be pissed if we remembered her with tears because she always wanted to make everyone laugh. Remembering her in my prayers and hoping she is happy.ReplyDelete
A soul touching story Sangeeta...A void that can never be filledReplyDelete
Hi Sangeeta, I am so happy to have stumbled upon this blog of yours. This is so heart wrenching, I am sure wherever your sister is she is loving you everyday. May God grant peace to her soul. take care and hugs to you..ReplyDelete
I am sure wherever she is , she is at peace Sangeetha. Loss of a loved one leaves a pain that lingers on and on forever! Hugs to you gal!ReplyDelete
I am sure she is around you always, so you better be happy (a warning)!ReplyDelete
It happens with some of us, dear. A friend of mine lost her husband when she was just few months into her first pregnancy...she is raising that angel all alone now!