Have you
ever lost someone really close? I lost my younger sister Anu exactly 10 years
ago. But what I lost is much more than just a sister. I lost a friend, a
partner in crime and companion and a confidant. She was joyous, bubbly and
there was nothing that could have stopped her from having fun. My life came to
standstill after that night.
I remember
spending hours crying alone in my room or in front of friends, and then
eventually even they got fed up seeing me like that. I took me a long time to get myself to stop
crying for my loss. But I what I also realised in all of this is true friends
stood by me, when I really needed them. While some of my dearest friends
distanced themselves saying they couldn't bear seeing me cry.
Then
suddenly one day it dawned up that if she is somewhere looking down upon me and
seeing me crying she would be pain. I thought to myself in 16 years of her
life, she gave me numerous reasons to smile. Even on that last day, we laughed
and smiled so much, somehow it still feels just like yesterday that we sat at
the balcony and gossiped.
I miss her
the most when the chips are down and I really need someone to perk me up or
just when I wish to indulge in some harmless bitching. I missed her most on the
day I got married and the day had my little one.
It takes a
lot of effort to stop grieving and trying to live-up life long after your loved
one is gone. Sometimes I feel guilty of not remembering her enough and then she
would come in my dreams telling me that she is looking after me. Even though
she was younger to me, but she was always there to lend me her shoulder to cry
upon.
On tough days
when you just need a friend to talk your heart out I do miss her the most. During
the last 10 years, I have come in terms with the realisation that she must be in
a better place. And some days when I
wake up from my dream, feeling like I had a good hearty talk with her, it just
puts a big smile on face.
It took me
a lot of time to reach the space where I can smile and remember her, because I
am sure she is looking down upon me and our family she would want us to be happy
for her.
Then there
came a song from the movie Agnipath song – abhi mujh main kahin and I have to
confess the selfish sister in me, wanted just one more day to spend with Anu. I
know it’s not possible but the song still somehow gives me hope that one when I
met her at the almighty’s place, we will have all the fun, laugh and cry and
catch up on the years we have missed being with each other.
P.S. – If
you do wish to leave a comment, I will request you to leave blessing for her
soul to be in peace and be happy wherever she is.
