Sweet memories

Have you ever lost someone really close? I lost my younger sister Anu exactly 10 years ago. But what I lost is much more than just a sister. I lost a friend, a partner in crime and companion and a confidant. She was joyous, bubbly and there was nothing that could have stopped her from having fun. My life came to standstill after that night.

I remember spending hours crying alone in my room or in front of friends, and then eventually even they got fed up seeing me like that.  I took me a long time to get myself to stop crying for my loss. But I what I also realised in all of this is true friends stood by me, when I really needed them. While some of my dearest friends distanced themselves saying they couldn't bear seeing me cry.

Then suddenly one day it dawned up that if she is somewhere looking down upon me and seeing me crying she would be pain. I thought to myself in 16 years of her life, she gave me numerous reasons to smile. Even on that last day, we laughed and smiled so much, somehow it still feels just like yesterday that we sat at the balcony and gossiped.

I miss her the most when the chips are down and I really need someone to perk me up or just when I wish to indulge in some harmless bitching. I missed her most on the day I got married and the day had my little one.

It takes a lot of effort to stop grieving and trying to live-up life long after your loved one is gone. Sometimes I feel guilty of not remembering her enough and then she would come in my dreams telling me that she is looking after me. Even though she was younger to me, but she was always there to lend me her shoulder to cry upon.

On tough days when you just need a friend to talk your heart out I do miss her the most. During the last 10 years, I have come in terms with the realisation that she must be in a better place.  And some days when I wake up from my dream, feeling like I had a good hearty talk with her, it just puts a big smile on face.

It took me a lot of time to reach the space where I can smile and remember her, because I am sure she is looking down upon me and our family she would want us to be happy for her.

Then there came a song from the movie Agnipath song – abhi mujh main kahin and I have to confess the selfish sister in me, wanted just one more day to spend with Anu. I know it’s not possible but the song still somehow gives me hope that one when I met her at the almighty’s place, we will have all the fun, laugh and cry and catch up on the years we have missed being with each other. 

P.S. – If you do wish to leave a comment, I will request you to leave blessing for her soul to be in peace and be happy wherever she is.