Perks of Parenting: Awesomeness decoded!

The past week has been extremely thrilling as my daughter started her trial classes at the big school. And as I would go back to pick her up after an hour of the trial run, I am flooded with compliments on how wonderful Smera is at practice sessions.

Motherhood is not at all an easy project, as it usually doesn't come with an end date or instruction manual and I have a lot of reasons to tell you why you should not have a child. But not today! Today I am going to blabber all about why you should have kids and not miss out on a prospective source of exuberance in your lives.

1. It’s amazing when someone says “OMG is that your daughter/son?” It some how suddenly makes you feel light years younger. Forget the age defying face creams, the hair colors and other expensive spa treatments. This one line works better than all of those.

2. You can get away with the long queues at the doctors, immigration, passport office, you name it and voila it’s done. I recently skipped a line of 50 odd people at the immigration counter, all thanks to my little munchkin.  

3. For once you can be colour coordinated and not look silly.

4. You don’t need a travel buddy anymore, your child automatically upgrades to the best travel mate ever and the spouses can go for a hike! I mean not literally, then that would more fun!

5. Chances are as your child grows they might look an updated version of you! If they take on the spouse’s looks then you can take all the credit for the good parts of their character. 

6. Personal achievements mean nothing in front of your off-springs success. A parent really experiences their hearts being pumped in with pride into every chamber and ventricle of the heart.

7. Moreover your parents suddenly love you more, as you give them the best gift of their lives – the joy of being grandparents. Guess that is what showers of blessings are.

8. You are up to date with the latest on games, movies, music and the works. Definitely helps boost a parent’s confidence immensely when you can understand what the younger generation is talking about! Makes you feel in vogue.

9.  You get to make more friends and most importantly we somehow end up finding useful/VIP contacts, thanks to their friends list.

10. You get to re-learn about life in general – finding happiness in small things, thinking out of the box and the joy of giggling for no reason.

Silly Saturday: A hearty mistake

For a change little Smera is not my inspiration for this Silly Saturday feature, however it’s all about her Grandparents and my Dad and Mum. My dad is a really chilled out person. He is one of those guys who are always around to help, very easy-going, dad and I are similar in many ways – when it comes to getting angry or having fun.   

I called them this morning to check on how they were and just as we started speaking to mum happened to mention how a couple of days back she received dad’s message explaining why was running late. Here’s how it goes ..

Dad’s message: “Now I am at Metro Heart Institute hospital, Noida. In ICU, heart complaint. I will be late. Take care.”

Reading this sms my mum almost skipped a heart-beat. She desperately tried calling him back and mysteriously that very moment network started acting funny and declared him out of network. You could imagine my mother’s plight. Mum couldn't help wonder his thoughtful words of asking her to take care. Suddenly seconds felt like years with the phone out of network!

Thankfully a few minutes later he called her back on seeing her missed calls. Furious with the number of missed calls messages he asked her what was so important.

Mum: Are you ok? What happened? 

Dad: I am ok but what’s wrong with you? I just sent you a message, Saji is not well and I am at the hospital. He is in the ICU, with a heart complaint and that I would be late.

Mum: You should check you sms, it read that you are in hospital with heart complaint. You forgot to mention Saji’s name in it.

But as she mentioned this to us, we burst out laughing wondering how my melodramatic mum would almost experienced a heart attack herself too. And now I get it, it my dad’s genes that I have inherited too, even I end up eating up my words. Guess we both should work on our proof-reading skills.

With jokes apart I sincerely do hope Uncle Saji is feeling better! 

Echoes of my Grandma

Long back I lost my grandparents and there is nothing in this world that could replace that special bond. I have missed them for years but of late I feel can feel their presence around me. This is post is not about a mind, body and spirit connection, it is just that Smera sometimes reminds me of my grandmothers in her daily discourse.

Problem is that we both are currently at the receiving end of our very own Smera the granny. Our problem probably stems from the daily dose of lecture that she gets from me.  Whatever sermon she receives particularly from me has been coming back to us in some form of the other. The simple explanation to all this is the fact that she is only child at home. Her thought is process is more or less like ours I guess!

I am sure the grandparents in the heavens above might having a ball of a time seeing me getting tortured with the miniature sized dictator at home.

Just recently I was combing her and she was complaining about the knots in her hair to which I responded saying, “Don’t worry mamma is working on it!”. To this she adds, “you know there is something else you should be working on your yelling and shouting!” I was a little taken aback by her ability to blabber and just as I was going to scold her, the father walks and adds fuel to fire, “very well said angel, you got it spot on!”

What the very supportive father does not know is that the he will not be served dinner till he makes up for the not so necessary comment.

This was just a starter! She uses a variety of tools to achieve her objectives - threatening, sweet-talk, emotional blackmailing and if nothing works, the she resorts to crying and get her things done. She can negotiate just like a full-grown adult would. Every now and then when I scold her, I get chided for being rude!

If the above weren't enough, I've got more for you. But before that it’s important to mention that Smera is not a fan aerated drink as we don’t encourage it. Even we don’t drink, barring very rare occasions like pizza nights. Smera has been made to understand the bad aspects of drinking aerated drinks, as they are high on sugar and not good for health in the long run.

Getting back to the story, a few days back we were having a pizza party and of course along with the pizzas there were some aerated drink to go with. Little Smera sees her parents, uncle, aunt and her cousin sisters sipping on the drink. She gives us a big nasty look and says “You all are going to die!”.  For a moment I really felt like as my granny back from the heavens above to stop me from committing a heinous crime!

Right or wrong, she has an opinion, which in a way makes me a proud. She isn't afraid to stand up to what is right. One can occasionally hear her Smera in either mine or hubby’s defense, “Now that’s not nice of you!” or “I think you should be saying sorry now”. Sigh!

Times like these, I wonder if I should stop her to talk like an adult. But then I am left to wonder what’s wrong if she can systematically channelise her thoughts and create an opinion about different situations? Right or wrong is far away from the debate but at least she is not following the herd and has a mind of her own.

So with a little pinch of salt, I have decided to let her be for now and get entertained for the time being, until it starts bordering on getting-on-my-nerves mode.

Silly Saturdays: The penalty

For the last few days hubby has been working extremely hard and has been coming in quite late. Little Smera aka daddy’s girl has been missing her father and keeps asking for him all the time. So yesterday I decided to call the busy man and ask him to explain the little child what was holding him so long at work. And here’s what happened:

Smera: Daddy when are you coming?

Daddy: I’ll come in one hour Smera

Smera: But mamma and I are getting bored.  

Me: Alright daddy, we read some book but you must pay Penalty (i.e. get us some dessert)

Smera: No don’t bring Tea, I don’t drink tea, can you please get me a cake!

Phew !!! The little child had a little scare thinking Mamma was asking for tea, while her priorities were very clear, her Daddy must bring a cake to make up for the lost time! 

Thumbs-up to thumb-sucking? Now no more !!

About a year and half ago I wrote a post on how I was worried about Smera’s thumb-sucking habit. Well, now I am not! It’s been over 6 months that she kicked this habit, even more appreciative is the fact that she did it herself.  It’s true no medicine, no threatening, no time-outs, all it needed was some pep talk. Now one may wonder does pep talk with 3 something year old work? Without blinking an eyelid I would say yes and Smera is my proof! We all know, that kids these days are very intelligent and as parents it is upto us to use this intelligence wisely.

Ever since my last post on her thumb-sucking habit, I decided that I would not try anything drastic to get rid of the habit. I didn’t want to leave the little child with a scar for the rest of her life.  Instead what I did was, I kept telling her that sucking thumb is not nice thing to do. I kept on feeding this information whenever she would be at it or was thinking of doing it. Slowly I would start asking her to take it out. And each time she did, she was rewarded with words like “Good Girl!” or “Bravo”! She would smile and get back to playing.

She gradually reduced her habit during the day thanks to my constant pep-talk. But she still needed her comforting thumb to sleep at night. So one night I asked her if she was ready to sleep without her thumb. She agreed but it was not quite easy for her, the poor child tossed and turned the whole night, however with great effort managed to sleep at night.

The next morning as she got up we celebrated her big victory, got her a little cake, called up her grandparents back to make her feel great about her achievement. From that day on Smera has not gone to back sucking thumb at all. All said and done, thumb sucking is muscle memory for little Smera and at times at night she unknowingly puts it her mouth but once asked to remove even in deep sleep, she would pull it off.

In all of this I was reminded, what might seem like a small issues for us might be real big deal for a toddler and if we just try to put ourselves in their shoes, we might be able to understand them a bit.  What’s more important is the fact, if an approach has worked like miracles for most people, it would do the same for you too!

In my journey of motherhood I learnt that, a lot of our parenting challenges can be solved with just a smile and it works even better with a hug. 

Feels like living underwater

I feel like closing my eyes and ears to the world, to be able to live in utopia for a while.  To survive in today’s time I must become numb to everything that is going around me. These are dangerous times war, rapes, murders, planes crashes and lords knows what else. Just when I was watching another shocking piece of news on the television, I stumbled upon a quote from Albert Camus “In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”

But I guess even if I were to turn away for a bit, I don’t think things are going to change.  I sometimes wonder what kind of world is my little one growing up in. Of course my blood boiled even then when I was not a mother, call it being selfish but I want a better world for my daughter.

My perspective has changed the way I think ever since Smera came into our lives. So when I hear a 6 year old raped in school and just yesterday an 8 year old raped by a relative and hung on a tree, it gives me a shiver down the spine. Where are kids safe then if not at school or at home? My daughter is almost turning 4 and this is a really scary reality.

I can understand a bit how painful it must be for parents whose children fall victims to such perverts! A mother’s heart breaks into thousand pieces when a child gets hurt forget even being able to understand how it must feel to see your child being threatened or abused. My heart goes out to all those mothers who are going through this pain and have lived the day and survived it.

To be honest I think we are talking more about it than ever, but that’s not enough! Is that enough?  We must change ourselves, to expect wonders to happen overnight would be foolish and the first step has to be ours.

I am going to teach and help Smera understand what’s a good touch and bad touch. It’s good to respect others but she will start with herself. She must learn to respect for herself and only then others would follow suit.  We should not let our children underestimate their inner strength, find that strength and learn to say to NO to what is wrong! For starters I’ll start with this video from Childline India and Body Shop Malaysia that has come up with a great to reach out to children like mine. 

Please do view and share these videos if you really care about our children!  

Changing a habit a bit !!

It’s very difficult to change a habit overnight, especially when a habit makes you the person you are. For the past 2 weeks I have been on the line of fire with my family and when I start to reason it out with them, I end up sounding silly!

I haven’t been keeping well for the past few months and even after good 5 doses of antibiotics the problem would refuse to go away! I could have long come back home to either Delhi or Kochi for a second opinion instead of suffering for so long. However being the self-reliant person I am I didn’t want to bother anyone else. Now I know just as I wrote that line it sounded really Foolish!

Nonetheless there are blocks that we tend build these in our heads. We shouldn’t trouble anyone, try to manage everything ourselves as we stay so far away from family. I have always preferred to do things on my own particularly with an extremely busy husband who has just jumped into a new line of work. Who wouldn’t like an self-reliant wifey and daughter? Right!

Wrong! I over did it! This self-sufficiency habit has landed me into trouble when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was given a choice to decide over my preferred home. So Delhi it was, I decided came down to my parents place. After a little procedure and day at the hospital, I am finally feeling better and have finally got a fit certificate too. Yay!

My habit made my mother and husband most angry. This thought process of not troubling anyone, solving my own problems is somewhere is influenced by them over the years. These two people never stop! Especially my mum she can be unwell but not a soul would know in the house. Somewhere secretly I imbibed that from my mum. My husband has always lived out of home and is the most independent person and so even somewhere even I become just like them.

Corbis.com

But what I tend to forgot is, we need to shout out for help when in need. It is only in times like these that you can fall back on your family and friends for help. I love to be there for everyone, but I must ask them for help too. That’s why it’s called a support system.

I have understood that, while I must also admit it is not easy for me to change. I am still struggling to get over the guilt of troubling others. I will try my best to speak to mind more often, stop feeling guilty about opening up to them.

Corbis.com

In all of mind over matter conflict I got to celebrate at home after 8 years, didn’t get to meet any of my besties but I tried to calling most of them, pouring out my woes whilst taking a dig at myself. I am feeling loved thanks to my support system and I promise to work on overcoming my weakness. 

Italian Summer or Idly Sambar

Peppa Pig is a wonderful series of cartoon that my daughter loves. Secretly even I love watching it. But in the last few weeks it has inflicted upon us a serious headache. Before I start explaining about the quandary in our household, have a look at this 5 minute video.  

Okay if you can’t spare 5 minutes, then I would highly recommend you to watch the first 28 seconds of the video.

So if you have watched the obligatory 28 seconds you would have realised that Peppa Pig is on a holiday in Italy. And of course she eats pizza and pasta and now that Smera’s vacation is about to start, she has made it very clear her choice of holiday destination. While we were happier with a stayaction as we have just settled down in a new country and life’s getting back into track.

Every day the little child would convince us on how much fun it would be to go Italy.

Then on last Thursday we suddenly decided to travel to Delhi and the very excited Smera couldn’t contain her curiosity and wanted to know more about the trip.

Smera: Are we going holidays?

Me: Yes darling! We are going to Delhi to meet you grandparents!

Smera: Oh but I thought we were going to Italy.

Me: Darling we’ll go to Italy but for now let’s go to Delhi, your granny is waiting to see you!

Smera: But we can go to Italy and eat pizza and pasta just like Peppa!

Me: Or how about we go to Delhi and eat Idly!         

Smera was instant sold by the idea, as Idly with sambar happens to be her favourite food! Thankfully for now we are got away with a supremely inexpensive deal but going to Muscat I am sure her Italian raga would restart!!


Video: Youtube.com

Sometimes even love hurts

Motherhood has it’s own ups and downs. Mostly will be ups, when you see your little one smiles in the morning. God blessed us with a little chatter-box, and I am sure she can give any President a run for their money.  We are best of friends, when daddy works long hours, we joke, play and fight also.

Yesterday we had a little fight, we went out for dinner, an excited Smera was a little too loud. So I kept telling her “be quite”, as I didn’t want her to disturb others enjoying their food, hearing a yelling child.  Just as soon as we reached home, I wanted to wash her legs, hands, face before going off to sleep. But the sleepy Smera was in no mood to wash up.

“I Hate you” came out of her innocent mouth. Even though I know she did not mean it, but the words really did hurt me. So after all the rituals were done, that she really didn’t want to do, I took her to bed. And I softly asked her, “don’t you love mamma?” and she said “No, because you kept telling to be quite, when we went out for dinner”. After that she added “I love daddy” turned to the other side to sleep.

I know none of this was said from her heart but she must felt insulted as I scolded her in front of everyone. That must have pricked the little one’s heart. So to hurt me she must have said “I hate you”. But I couldn't sleep at night, my heart felt so heavy.

However this morning there was a U-turn in the situation, she hugged me and I said sorry too and told her how I felt. After a hearty conversation with the three and half year old over breakfast all our problems were solved.

There will be more days likes these to come but I hope my Smera knows that her mamma LOVES her the most in life.  If ever mamma says something that hurts you, in advance I am saying SORRY! Nonetheless you will be duly compensated too.

When you become big you too shall understand our parenting style is just a hit and trial method. Sometimes even Google helps but not that too is not always right! Sometimes it works and sometimes errors happen, however thou too shall pass! 

Excuse my excuses!

Thanks to all the love that my virtual friends have been sending me. I am feeling much better, however as I promised, I am here to present all suggestions and recommendations received from all corners. Now let’s go over them one by one while I have fun taking a dig at some in the meanwhile.

1. Drink water: Of course, I didn't know of this one, drinking water way is best flush out any antioxidants. When it comes to UTI, one must drink more 4-8 liters of water.  Then eventually you would find me at the following place.

2. Considering that I am on high medicinal dosage the BP is quite low and I get to hear that, you must take more salt, it isn't like eating sugar. You can’t eat a spoonful of salt. I know you would you say ORS, but the question how much ???

3. Then it’s said to drink more water (refer1).  Avoid alcohol – I don’t drink unless I am with only certain reliable drunkards. Drink caffeinated drinks, like coffee so that I keep awake like an owl the entire and the BP dips again, thanks to lack of sleep.

4. Then Barley water is highly recommended in for UTI patients. The perfect solutions to that is Beer! Yes you heard me right, beer is made of barley, water and among other things. But then refer no. 3!

5. Drink orange and cranberry juice. I drink 2 glasses of fresh orange juice thank to my hubby’s exorbitant citrus press. But cranberry juice in excess gives severe acidic problem. While I am good girl, in taking cranberry tablets :D 

6. Eat healthy and balanced food! Of course I will if someone can come to cook up for me. Taking heavy doses of antibiotics leaves no taste in mouth and no energy either, and at this stage my cooking certainly is not helping my situation.

7. Try ayurveda medicines – If I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol for the reason it being slightly bitter, then how does yucky tasting kashayam go down my throat? 

Having said all that I know it’s out of love and affection everyone recommends different remedies. But sometimes saying nothing and just a cuddle helps a long way.